No, the products aren’t real. But the empty boxes are. Wrap your otherwise forgettable gift in an Onion gift box, and watch as they struggle to feign enthusiasm for a smoke alarm that would probably kill them if it were real. Or take joy as their faces fall upon realizing there is no such thing as a hat-affixed pocket accessory, nor a personal debris removal system—just a crappy bric-a-brac inside you waited until the last moment to buy.

Your GotchaBox pack ($29) includes one each of the following: (1) USB Toaster, (1) iFeast, (1) Kleen•Stride, (1) Visorganizer, (1) 28-Piece Professional Whisk Set, (1) Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm, (1) Auto Power Strip